Kernia

Hey There!

I’m going to be straight with you all today; I’m going to share something with you that has been worrying me for some time now.

Over the past few years I have had a strong pain in my lower abdomen/frontal groin region: my man nuggets. The pain usually lasted for a day or two and would then dissipate. So of course I didn’t think anything of it. After the pain would stop, I just carried on with my normal everyday routine. And then (a few months to a year later), the pain came back.

Before I continue, I want to clarify for all of you out there saying, “Why didn’t you go to the doctor after the first time stupid”; I follow in my mother’s footsteps. My mother had heart palpitations and (they caused her a great amount of pain) thought nothing of them because the pain subsided after a few days. She does not go to the doctor unless she is either dying or bleeding profusely, and it is the same way with me. I noticed this pain in my man parts and thought “golly, that really hurts” so I rested for a day or two. Once the pain diminished, I thought I was cured and went back to my routine.

However, two weeks ago I was moving out of my apartment into the one I’ll be living in for the upcoming school year, when I experienced more pain than I could bear.

Let’s back up a little though. On that Saturday, I had been moving things (nonstop) for six and a half hours and I couldn’t have felt better in my life. I have been running and exercising all summer, so I felt like I was in pretty good shape. My coin purse thought otherwise. At the end of my move (when I was moving boxes from the living room to my bedroom), I lifted up a back and immediately dropped it! It felt like I had been kicked by King Leonidas.

As all men know, nothing hurts more than a swift kick to the tree roots, but this was SO much worse!

Anyway, after I stood there screaming in agony, I waddled back to the chair and fell in (thinking it would be a good idea). Wrong again! I now felt the pain of a second Spartan kick. However, the pain finally subsided enough to the point where I could at least get up and try to walk it off (because that actually works). Of course, this whole time my friend is asking if I’m okay; if I wanted him to take me to the hospital. I said no (pretty stupid…I know); I decided it would be better if I just go home, sit in the hot bath, and wait it out for a few days.

Skipping forward to last Thursday

I had now not only been in pain (losing my ability to exercise), but I also had more than enough time to utilize the greatest and scariest website of all time: WebMD.

As I’m sitting in my apartment eating everything in sight, I chose to succumb to my curiosity and check my diagnosis on WebMD. Needless to say, I had been completely convinced that I now have man cancer. I cried (not really because men don’t cry…I’m a man). But I was very worried that I’d be losing one of my boys. At that point I knew it was time for the doctor. And let me tell you what! There was no point of going to that guy: Dr. Bigg.

I walked in the office, followed Dr.Bigg to his dungeon(esk) room, and gave him a real good look. You know what he tells me? “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, so I’ll schedule an ultrasound for you. You’ll go in next week.”

WHAT?!?! You can't just leave a guy hanging!

Skipping ahead to Tuesday

I go in for my ultrasound. You would think lying on a table for an hour while a lady pours lube on your nether-region and runs her hand back and forth would be a good time, but it wasn’t. All I could think about was, “Why is she focusing on the same spot twice? Why is she clicking buttons? Why is this taking so long?” I’ll admit that I was worried; what guy wouldn’t be?

Finally, after our one hour of alone time, she lets me get dressed and leads me to the front room and tells me I’ll get my results within 24-48 hours. She just let me go! She didn’t say whether she saw something or if I was fine and I had nothing to worry about; she didn’t tell me anything.

Skipping to Today

It has been more than 48 hours…and no sign of results. What am I thinking? I think the doctor got my results, found something wrong with me, and decided he’ll just let me suffer.

*SIDE NOTE* I will admit that all of the anticipation and worry has allowed my brain to concentrate on other things rather than my pain: I don’t notice it too much when I’m anxious.

However, I am going to wait until tomorrow to call the office for the results.

All the while, I’ll be sitting here with my fingers crossed hoping it’s something as simple as an infection.

Until Next Time,

The Intern