It's Only Wednesday?!?

Happy Hump Day!

Per the usual, today I'll pleasure you with a giggle (or two) and leave you with a smile on your face.

*SIDE NOTE* Today's hump day post is separated into a few (but hilariously funny) stories.

Enjoy!

Keep It In The Classroom

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, 
"I have a question for YOU."

"There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher (blushing a great deal) replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on........but I like your thinking."

Always Know Your Surroundings

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner she would like to make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before. So he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. 

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy (it being his first time and all).

That night, the boy meets his girlfriend at the door of her parents' house, "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. He quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and he's still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Nothing Gets Past 'Em

When I was six months pregnant (with my third child), my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready for a shower. 

She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" 

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." 

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

Math: What a Son of a *itch

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a *itch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a *itch is nine." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" 

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." 

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. 

"Yes," he answered. 

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" 

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." 

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a *itch is four?" 

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."


Last, but certainly not least:

You Don't Mess With A Cardinals Fan

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cubs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Cubs fans too. Not really knowing what a Cubs fan was (but wanting to be like their teacher), their hands explode into the air.

There is, however, one exception. One girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Cubs fan.”

"Then what are you?" asked the teacher.

“I’m proud to be a St. Louis Cardinals fan,” boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she is a Cardinals fan.

“Well, my dad and mom are Cardinals fans, so I’m a Cardinals fan too.”

The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

A pause.

“Then,” says the girl (with a smile), “I’d be a Cubs fan.”


As always, I hope you enjoyed these little stories and are leaving happier than when you came.

Until Next Time,
The Intern