Just one of those days

As promised, here is your weekly fix of chuckles, giggles, and laugh-out-louds: it's Hump Day!!

Enjoy!

• Jack was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

• Melanie asked her granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

• Brittany had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in pain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

• Susan was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

• Clinton was in his bedroom looking worried when his mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

• Marc was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

• Tammy was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

• James was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

• Karen asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys? Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

• Johnny told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

Until Next Time,

The Intern

Learn From Your Mistakes

Yes, today is Hump Day. And yes, I will give you some giggles and laughs (but they will be later today). For now, I'd like to share with you my background story for why you've been seeing so much about Focus T25 and me working out.

Growing up, I was always the kid who was a little bigger than most; I’ve never been skinny. To be honest, I used to blame it on genetics. I told myself that I would grow out of my weight: I told myself it was just baby weight. By the time I reached my senior year in high school, I realized that my body was never going to look like I wanted because I was doing nothing to make it happen. I hated myself. I reached a point in my life where I held myself back from being with friends in the summer because I was beyond embarrassed to be without a shirt, and I would hide my spontaneous personality (which was hard for someone who has a personality as strong as mine) because I didn’t want my body to be singled out and judged. When my senior year in high school started, I knew things had to change: that’s when I was introduced to a life changing program.

I look up to my uncle as a mentor and a father figure, so when he sat down to talk with me about my weight and how I should think about exercising and getting fit, I knew I couldn’t disappoint him. He said he would purchase the P90X program if I promised to complete the whole program (with him by my side of course): I said yes. And let me tell you, it was the best decision of my life! Once I decided to commit it was like some sort of exercise guru took-over my body and forced me to get fit and lose weight. Of course it wasn’t always easy and exciting. There were plenty of times when I tried to make an excuse not to workout for that day; I hurt too much from the day before, I had plans, I was tired, etc. There were even days where I told myself “you are not cut out for this. You will never look like you want, so just give up now” but I then would envision myself 2 months from that point and see myself healthier and more fit than I could have ever imagined: that picture was what pushed me through the tough times.

When I started P90X, I weighed 195lbs. I couldn’t run more than .25 miles without stopping and I could barely complete the daily exercises (but I pushed as hard as I could). I was disgusted with myself, and I wanted to give up. But P90X changed all of that! After I completed the program, I weighed 140lbs and was in the best shape of my life. I ran 2-3 miles every day and blew through the daily exercises with ease. I was finally proud of my body. And it was great timing because I was about to start college the following year, so it was a great feeling knowing I was going into college with the most self-confidence I have had in all of my life.

When I started college, I felt great. For the first 2 months I stayed on my daily routine of exercise. But the further I progressed in college, the less I would workout. A huge part of college is being independent and getting involved, so I got 2 jobs and became involved within numerous organizations. I had gotten to the point where I was attending class for half of the day, work for 5 hours, and then organizations meetings for a few more hours: there was no time to workout. I slumped into my old habits; I let myself down by gaining all of my weight back and slowly getting out of shape. Today, 2 years later, I weigh 185lbs. I hate myself again. I think to myself everyday “how could you let yourself get this way again? After all of your hard work getting to a point where you were happy” and I just blamed it on time.

Finally, I decided that enough was enough. I told myself I would never get back to this point, unfortunately I failed. But because I felt the taste of success 2 years ago, I am driven more than ever to get back there. And stay there! I have made a promise to myself, and the people I coach, that I will never let myself nor themselves get to the point of self-hatred. Although a mistake was made (you fell back into your old habits), that doesn’t/shouldn’t stop you from getting back. I have learned from my mistake, I took my success for granted, and I know now that I will NEVER come back to this.

Shaun T opened my eyes to Focus T25. For a guy like me, nothing is more fitting in my life than an hour’s worth of workout in 25 minutes. I have not finished the program yet (I am actually only 2 days into it), but I already feel better. I feel like I did 2 years ago. I don’t know if is just the program, or if the Shakeology has something to do with it, but I feel great! Within the 2 days that I have been using Shakeology and Focus T25, I have lost 2lbs. And I have made a huge change this time around with my transformation. This time I am not just doing it to lose weight and get fit: this time I am doing it to live a completely different lifestyle, a healthy lifestyle. I am following a nutrition plan, doing the exercises, and taking the supplements. I am changing my life for the better. And this time it’s going to stay.

Until Next Time,
The Intern

Time to Focus

It has begun!

I just received my Focus T25 challenge pack in the mail! I decided (a week ago) that it is time for me to make a major lifestyle change: it's time for me to be healthy and fit.

I was debating between starting P90X (because I have seen such amazing success stories) and Focus T25. I knew I wanted to lose weight, but I also wanted to get in shape. Where the problem lays is within the amount of time it takes to complete most workouts. I don't have the time in the day to drop everything I'm doing to work out for 45-60 minutes, so I decided Focus T25 was the perfect program for me.

The program is set in so that you work out 5 days a week for 25 minutes each day except Friday (you do the workout twice in a row). Don't be fooled though, Shaun T kicks your ass.

I was skeptical going into it at first; I thought "how am I going to get a 1 hour workout in 25 minutes". Once, I started, my mind was changed completely. Shaun T makes sure to start of your exercises slow and easy, then he picks up the speed to where your heart rate instantly shoots through the roof! After about 5-6 minutes of non-stop working out, he pushes right into the "Burnout". Burnout is a section in the video where Shaun T goes through all the previous exercises but in a much quicker pace.

YOU WILL SWEAT!!!

I never thought I would sweat that much in a mere 25 minutes. This program (so far) seems very legit. I can tell it will work: 1.) because it is proven to and 2.) because I will push to make it work.

I bought the Focus T25 Challenge Pack that included the set of dvds, 30 day supply of Shakeology (flavor of your choice), 15lb resistance band, bonus workout disc, Shakeology recipe calendar, and the 5 Day Diet plan. The program itself is enough to get someone into shape and looking good, but the Shakeology provides that extra push to complete the transformation and leads you into a better way of living.

If you guys are interested in purchasing this program, and working through it with me, follow this link!

Before you turn away thinking that you don't have the money for this right now, I want to show you the numbers (because everyone loves numbers). If you were to buy just the set of dvds (without Shakeology, the band, the bonus workout, and the recipe books), you would spend $120 before tax. And if you were to buy just the 30 day supply of Shakeology, you would spend $120 before tax. As you can see, the challenge pack (including everything listed and in the picture above) is only $180 before tax!! That is a steal. To open your eyes a little further, when the price of a 30 day supply of Shakeology is broken down into each day, you are only paying $4 per meal. I don't know of any other meal that provides your with such an immense amount of nutrients for such a low price.

Finally, if you are looking to be the motivation for someone who is ready and willing to change their life for the better, think about becoming a Beachbody coach. This is a great way not only to help others achieve their goal of living a healthier lifestyle, but also a great way to earn some extra income! Not to mention that when you purchase the challenge pack for Focus T25 your $40 signup fee (for being a first time coach) is waived.

Also, if you want to look into any other programs feel free to visit my personal Beachbody coach site and take a look around.

If you have any questions about how to become a Beachbody coach, or just want to know more about my story and how Beachbody has/will help me, feel free to comment below!

Until Next Time,
The Intern

#PunsonPuns

It’s been a long week for me guys.

I first want to apologize for not providing you with the laughs and giggles that I know you all love so much. As much of you know already, I had my surgery on Tuesday. Since then, I have felt very groggy and tired; I’m not sure if it is left over anesthesia or just the excessively strong pain meds I’m on, but nonetheless…I can’t seem to stay awake. Trust me though (says the guy who failed to keep his promise to provide happy Hump Days every week) when I say that I had every intention to post yesterday, but when I got home after work I sat on the couch and the next thing I know it’s 8:30pm. So (obviously) I did not post.

I’m sorry ok!

Life goes on however, and I’m glad to say that my medical condition is all cleared! I went through a simple 45 minute surgery and now I’m hobbling around (doped up on meds) with more pain than I started with: but I’m all clear! And because I feel so back about not giving you all a good laugh yesterday (although Big Holly was able to on Instagram), I’m moving my Hump Day post to today!

*cue cheering*

But, because today is Thursday, this is a special edition I like to call TIME-TURNER THURSDAY!! Get it? Because of Harry Potter… and Hermione’s time-turner…that takes them….back…in…time. 

NEVERMIND

This week’s giggles are brought on by the most obvious, but awkward jokes of all time: puns.

Enjoy!

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
• I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
• I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
• I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
• There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
• Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
• When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
• Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
• A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.
• It's a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
• A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
• I quit gymnastics because I was tired of hanging around the bars.
• Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you. 

And my personal favorites:

• It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Until Next Time,
The Intern

Feeling Good

Wanna hear the news?

You know that thing I told you about on that one day regarding those things only guys have? Yeah. Well, mine aren't as bad as I thought they would be!

I should've known WebMD was out to get me.

The doctor called me today and told me the good news: I have varicocele. I know that may not sound like good news to you (or even a real word) but that means not only am I cancer-free, but I get to keep ALL of my self. It truly puts my mind at rest knowing that I am in the clear of such a scary disease. However, this turmoil isn't over quite yet.

To clarify, varicocele is the widening of the veins along the spermatic cord. These nuisances cause blood to backup and flow improperly, eventually causing a lack of oxygen to reach the "boys of the south" then leading to infertility.

I'll take infertility over cancer and/or losing a piece of me any day.

The doctor informed me that the next step can go one of two ways: surgery or antibiotics. Either my condition is severe enough that a surgery (proceed with caution to video of surgery) is needed to redirect the blood flow and correct the condition. Or I can resolve my issue with simple antibiotics and good ole rest. But only time will tell.

An update will come soon as to what is decided: surgery or antibiotics?

Until Next Time,
The Intern

Kernia

Hey There!

I’m going to be straight with you all today; I’m going to share something with you that has been worrying me for some time now.

Over the past few years I have had a strong pain in my lower abdomen/frontal groin region: my man nuggets. The pain usually lasted for a day or two and would then dissipate. So of course I didn’t think anything of it. After the pain would stop, I just carried on with my normal everyday routine. And then (a few months to a year later), the pain came back.

Before I continue, I want to clarify for all of you out there saying, “Why didn’t you go to the doctor after the first time stupid”; I follow in my mother’s footsteps. My mother had heart palpitations and (they caused her a great amount of pain) thought nothing of them because the pain subsided after a few days. She does not go to the doctor unless she is either dying or bleeding profusely, and it is the same way with me. I noticed this pain in my man parts and thought “golly, that really hurts” so I rested for a day or two. Once the pain diminished, I thought I was cured and went back to my routine.

However, two weeks ago I was moving out of my apartment into the one I’ll be living in for the upcoming school year, when I experienced more pain than I could bear.

Let’s back up a little though. On that Saturday, I had been moving things (nonstop) for six and a half hours and I couldn’t have felt better in my life. I have been running and exercising all summer, so I felt like I was in pretty good shape. My coin purse thought otherwise. At the end of my move (when I was moving boxes from the living room to my bedroom), I lifted up a back and immediately dropped it! It felt like I had been kicked by King Leonidas.

As all men know, nothing hurts more than a swift kick to the tree roots, but this was SO much worse!

Anyway, after I stood there screaming in agony, I waddled back to the chair and fell in (thinking it would be a good idea). Wrong again! I now felt the pain of a second Spartan kick. However, the pain finally subsided enough to the point where I could at least get up and try to walk it off (because that actually works). Of course, this whole time my friend is asking if I’m okay; if I wanted him to take me to the hospital. I said no (pretty stupid…I know); I decided it would be better if I just go home, sit in the hot bath, and wait it out for a few days.

Skipping forward to last Thursday

I had now not only been in pain (losing my ability to exercise), but I also had more than enough time to utilize the greatest and scariest website of all time: WebMD.

As I’m sitting in my apartment eating everything in sight, I chose to succumb to my curiosity and check my diagnosis on WebMD. Needless to say, I had been completely convinced that I now have man cancer. I cried (not really because men don’t cry…I’m a man). But I was very worried that I’d be losing one of my boys. At that point I knew it was time for the doctor. And let me tell you what! There was no point of going to that guy: Dr. Bigg.

I walked in the office, followed Dr.Bigg to his dungeon(esk) room, and gave him a real good look. You know what he tells me? “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, so I’ll schedule an ultrasound for you. You’ll go in next week.”

WHAT?!?! You can't just leave a guy hanging!

Skipping ahead to Tuesday

I go in for my ultrasound. You would think lying on a table for an hour while a lady pours lube on your nether-region and runs her hand back and forth would be a good time, but it wasn’t. All I could think about was, “Why is she focusing on the same spot twice? Why is she clicking buttons? Why is this taking so long?” I’ll admit that I was worried; what guy wouldn’t be?

Finally, after our one hour of alone time, she lets me get dressed and leads me to the front room and tells me I’ll get my results within 24-48 hours. She just let me go! She didn’t say whether she saw something or if I was fine and I had nothing to worry about; she didn’t tell me anything.

Skipping to Today

It has been more than 48 hours…and no sign of results. What am I thinking? I think the doctor got my results, found something wrong with me, and decided he’ll just let me suffer.

*SIDE NOTE* I will admit that all of the anticipation and worry has allowed my brain to concentrate on other things rather than my pain: I don’t notice it too much when I’m anxious.

However, I am going to wait until tomorrow to call the office for the results.

All the while, I’ll be sitting here with my fingers crossed hoping it’s something as simple as an infection.

Until Next Time,

The Intern